I stepped to the banks of the desolate river, running with little movement. Wood and debris shrouded by vines floated above the surface of the inky water. The sky was overcast with grey cloud, with the sun piercing through at given moments. I looked into the river and could not see my reflection, just the murky filth below. I knew what had to be done and without a second thought I stepped in, sinking immediately, disrupting the dirt from the edge of the river bed. The sunlight refracted against the objects underwater. I let myself sink, knowing what I had to do.
Darkness below. Light was being filtered from the surface, but the darkness called to me. My chest began to tighten, every cell in my body began screaming for me to emerge from the abyss. I remain in control, knowing what I must do. I become engulfed in a brilliant blackness, an absolute exclusion of light, sinking deeper. Need oxygen, but refuse to fuel my body. Water enters my lungs. My fight or flight reaction takes over clambering my arms trying to propel me to fresh air. I see light as I begin to climb. But it is too late. A ray of light strikes my eye, as my lungs begin to fill with water. My heart stops and I die.
My body remains floating, lifeless, my eyes wide open. There is nothing. There is an absence of the appreciation of nothing. Time has no relevance, for I have not a self for any affiliation to be necessary. The sense is familiar however. A moment before my reality and restrictions were created, before the flesh and my senses. The sense is the same as before I was born, a moment equally as void and as serene. Consciousness has passed and I have returned to the source.
My hand reaches up, clutching the river bank. I pull my wet body to the grass and lay shivering on my back. My face is pale and my eyes wide open, gasping for each breath that enters my lungs. I am unaware of how much time has passed. The experience remains with me, my consciousness remained awake throughout.
My fear and doubts have passed. My guilt and regrets have been forgotten. My body and mind feel stronger than before, refreshed and clear. I know what I must do…
-shadowsamurai
