Reblogged from HIS DARK SIDE:

I’m writing.

His Dark Side is writing.

I’m resting.

His Dark Side is resting.

I’m putting in work.

His Dark Side is putting in work.

Whatthefuckareyouat?

Join us.

him: Oh, I’ve got my issues…

me: As long as it’s body-related, I can take care of those!

him: Oh yah…no other kind.  The key is to stay away from the women.  Nowadays I just rent ‘em.

me: (blank stare)

him: Well, you know what I mean.  I take them out for dinner first…

me: (blank stare)

The gnostic state is achieved when a person’s mind is focused on only one point, thought, or goal and all other thoughts are thrust out. Practitioners of chaos magic each develop their own ways of reaching this state.

All such methods hinge on the belief that a simple thought or direction experienced during the gnostic state and then forgotten quickly afterwards bypasses the “psychic censor” (faculties averse to the magical manipulation of reality) and is sent to the subconscious, rather than the conscious mind, where it can be enacted through means unknown to the conscious mind.

I’d had enough.  I called out to him and said that I was going to make him pay.  He crossed the street and I laid into him.  He seemed to recover for a second and he hit me in the face hard but it did nothing more than jostle me.  I kicked his legs out from under him and he collapsed to the ground.  I pounced.

He turned away on his side to cover up as I rained punches and elbows over his head.  Then I proceeded to throw knee after knee into his kidneys.  He would be sure to piss blood now.

After the finishing blows, he hobbled away muttering to me that he would never encroach on my property again.

———-

I’ve had a lot of fights in my dreams, but I usually have a habit of losing.  I move awkwardly and can’t seem to control the pace.  I haven’t had a fight dream in some time so it was nice to know that I’ve gained ground within my subconscious – where it really counts.

One thing that still bothers me though, is how that skin on my forehead got torn out…that’s some Freddy Kruger type shit…

CTK

- Excerpt from The Way of the Fight by Georges St.Pierre

My neighbour, this 70-year-old woman, was quite nice to my children.  Her house is behind ours.  My children used to run up to her place for cookies and treats and whatnot.  She would return from spending the winter in Florida with t-shirts for them.  We were most grateful.

Then, one winter, she told us that her granddaughter (with boyfriend in tow), from her daughter whom she hated, was going to be living in her house over the winter and if everything went well they could stay permanently.  Spring came.  Summer came.  She came back.    She asked how they were.  We saw neither hide nor hair of them and told her so.  Well, she was going to kick them out: they had spilled pop all over the carpet and hadn’t cleaned it up, they didn’t pay the oil or the power bill, and they just all around made a huge mess.  Whatever.  They didn’t bother us and they were quiet.

Three winters ago now, after that incident, her son moved in – with his son.  Again, she requested we keep an eye on the place and then she left.  There was constant traffic, parties, drug-runs, cops at my door looking for her grandson, etc.  She came back and asked how things were and I told her – as I thought we had such a great relationship.  I was wrong.

Shortly thereafter, her son is dumping gravel up my driveway to connect it to his.  You see, my driveway has a ‘license to use until the bitch is dead’ attached to it.  But it was never to be used and never was (and was grassed all the way up).  I came outside as he was spreading it and asked him what the hell was going on and the exact words out of this 40-some-year-old man were, “You made me look bad in front of my mom.  I’m not confrontational so this is my way of pushing back.”

I talked to her on the phone and yelling ensued.  She spent an hour defending her son and grandson telling me that I had told her all lies, to which I responded that she was just covering up for her lot.  Her exact words?  ”Well…wouldn’t you?”

Fine.  So you’re using my driveway.  Meh.  But then he starts driving his dumptruck on my lawn while continually spreading out gravel until it’s 16-feet wide.  Then he comes down in front of my children and rips out a tree on my property with his excavator (to which I have a photo and his shit-eating grin on his face).  My children have been traumatized, no joke – talking about it on a weekly basis ever since.

Since then, more trees have been cut down.  More of my yard destroyed.  Two cars have died and so did my practice last summer – it seems we didn’t get the memo about the economic downturn until a little later than everyone else.  I felt it, along with other business owners in the area and have been feeling it ever since – often times wondering where the next dollar will come from.

Lawyers were called, papers were sent, all to no avail.  To hire, it would have cost me close to $20’000 and might have taken 3-5 years.  His advice, and I appreciated it, “Sell your house and save your money.”  We’d talked on selling it and so that’s been the plan ever since. The market being what it is, it’s been hard.  No house sale, more crazy neighbour behaviour – to the point where my wife and children are not safe outside.

Just two weeks ago, R.D., a 19-year-old, raced up my driveway doing about 80 km/h, burned a 180 at the top and came flying down.  Apparently, he failed to realize during his laughfest and pointing at me that his car has this thing on the back that identifies him.  It was his mommy’s car.  He got a $700.00 fine.

So what’s it all about?  Again, I try very hard to look at the patterns – the reasons.  My neighbour wasn’t sweet, instead manipulative.  Those other two close friends we had left our lives last year, too.  A reason this all happened: to harden me the fuck up.  The reason my house won’t sell: we haven’t found the one we’re looking for.  The reason my business semi-flopped for 8 months: to teach me not to live beyond my means and the next house we buy will facilitate everything we want.

My house will sell.  My life will move on.  And I will never be the same again.

My Dad often asks me if I think I made the right choices – moving 5000 kms away from home, buying this house, starting my own business, etc.  There are no bad decisions – the only bad thing is inaction.  A wise person told me that.

- Excerpt from The Way of the Fight by Georges St.Pierre

Only know you’ve been high when you’re feeling low
Only hate the road when you’re missin’ home
Only know you love her when you let her go
And you let her go

But seriously – how the hell is a martial arts nut who wakes up at 5:30am to kill a heavy bag supposed to relate to normal people?

How am I supposed to get on with folks who aren’t privy to their own internal programming?

Plus, I’m self-employed, working the opposite hours that the norm does to provide for my fam.  I’ve built my life against the current.

At least I have myself (and HDS).

That’s why I’ve delved so deeply into GSP’s work and watching El-P’s interviews.  Greatness is upon them; and so it shall be on me as well.

I’ve made it very simple for my own psyche to understand: I’m either taking it in or putting it out.

I’m either absorbing the good energies of the world or I’m putting good energies of my own out.

I’m either reading books and watching interviews, or I’m writing articles and punching and kicking.

I cannot outrun my demons.  Therefore, I sit in silence and ask what they have to offer – to teach me.

…

As I look back, every single person who tried to change me is no longer in my life. All of the people who tried to shape me into something that better represents their idea of a normal existence are gone.

- Excerpt from The Way of the Fight by Georges St.Pierre