My Path of Chaos

The Buddhist nun discussed joy. Joy according to her system of belief, come from a detached state and through the daily practice of meditation. Life, it appears, is both transient and full of suffering. I quickly noticed that there was a paradox at work here which the people who had shuffled into this meeting room had not quite figured out. You see in front of the meditation meeting group sat a little old lady who had an orange cloth draped over here. The orange colour made her look like a misshapen tangerine and the shaved head made her appear androgynous. The paradox became apparent because the stories she told us, were experiences from her own life. She was bitter at life, bitter for her daughter who smoked, bitter because she had to experience living out of her car because she had no money.

Despite this, she sat in front of us, encouraging us to seek detachment and become a Buddhist like her. I have no desire to be like her. What she said made me feel numb. Clearly, she was unhappy which was a far cry from the joy she spoke about. It made me wonder whether she had ever actually felt joyful.

I stopped going to the meditation meet ups. I went to a few sessions and ended up deciding that it had taught me exactly how NOT to be. But this wasn’t to suggest that I was left pathless…

The magician Aleister Crowley wrote in his book four on Magick; “Let the student decide for himself what form of life, what moral code will least tend to excite his mind.” Crowley therefore left the burden with the student to decide the path that best suited him.

During the 1970’s, two British magicians who had become frustrated with the dogma decided to spearhead a new organisation called the Illuminates of Chaos. Their goal was to make the practice of Magic, highly individualistic. They encouraged each student to find out, adopt and embrace those methods that best worked for them. This movement was to give rise to a considerable amount of Chaos.

The path I walk, is mine. You can walk beside me, but your path will be yours alone.


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