I’ve opted for green tea. It leaves me feeling vacuous, reinforcing my belief in the virtue of coffee. Rising from my seat I walk to the toilet. The patrons of Starbucks are locked out as the door closes. My own reflection flashes past me as  I walk fast, past an oversized mirror; beholding everything, holding nowt. Nature calls. I hear the shimmer of piss on water as I drain myself.

Everything’s complicated, even those things that seem flat in their bleakness or sadness. Nick Hornby

My parents brought me up well enough for the upbringing to remind me to wash my hands. Cold tap turns and  swirling water cascades. Looking up, eyes meet mirror. Here I am, fully focused, fully realized. Mirror stealing my soul. I avert my gaze.

Absolute silence leads to sadness. It is the image of death. Jean Jacques Rousseau

Tired eyes reflect back. Etched furrow lines, deep creviced on my forehead. Grey stubble nudges out of chin. My skin is aged. Peering deeper I see reddened eyes. I appear sad, the last vestige of happiness having departed like sun giving way to a crescent moon.

My grief lies all within. And these external manners of lament are merely shadows to the unseen grief that swells with silence in the tortured soul. Shakespeare

A dull ache hums and vaporises into mist somewhere in the distance. Hands dry leaving me feeling untouched, subdued, melancholy. Eyes meet mirror. Older.

I depart.


2 Responses to “Mirror”

  1. sometimes it screams….

    the teapot

    like it’s doing right now

    i want to shut it up

    but i decided not to

    chose to log in here and share this instead, while it screams at me in the background

    are its cries any less real than my sobs?
    are its burning sense of loss less painful?
    does it seek freedom from the confines that spur its boiling point?

    why can we break free, but choose not to sometimes, when it can break free without the will?


    i have learned my lesson

  2. i would MUCH rather endure the scream than the silence

    had both

    grief is so much more ‘alive’ than indifference

    the green tea bags i plopped into the tub tonight tell me that i am feeling something. i care!

    coffee, tea, pain, joy, confusion, disillusionment, clarity

    just glad to have finally come back to life after the dark night


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