5 Days of Death: Day 2

Even with a straightened arm and outstretched fingers, I find it difficult to connect with people. So, I bury my head down and look inwards, entombed by mine own thoughts. Digging deep, I draw breath, exhaling a final sigh.

Moving forwards without a guiding light is a curious feeling indeed. When my Gung Fu teacher died on the 7th December 2004, and following the initial shock and sadness, I entered into a period of loneliness. Even now, if you reached out, you would feel the scar I carry on my soul following his departure. Take that same hand and glide it across calloused hands and bruised knuckles, signs that my work in Gung Fu has continued. You see, my guiding light is the memory of my sifu which, coupled with resolute determination keeps me punching and kicking each day.

“To be aware is to watch your bodily activity, the way you walk, the way you sit, the movements of your hands; it is to hear the words you use, to observe all your thoughts, all your emotions, all your reactions. It includes awareness of the unconcious, with its traditions, its instinctual knowledge, and the immense sorrow it has accumulated– not only personal sorrow, but the sorrow of man. You have to be aware of all that; and you cannot be aware of it if you are merely judging, evaluating, saying, “This is good and that is bad, this I will keep and that I will reject,” all of which only makes the mind dull, insensitive.

From awareness comes attention. Attention flows from awareness when in that awareness there is no choice, no personal choosing, no experiencing… but merely observing. And, to observe, you must have in the mind a great deal of space. A mind that is caught in ambition, greed, envy, in the pursuit of pleasure and self-fulfillment, with its inevitable sorrow, pain, despair, anguish– such a mind has no space in which to observe, to attend. It is crowded with its own desires, going round and round in its own backwaters of reaction. You cannot attend if your mind is not highly sensitive, sharp, reasonable, logical, sane, healthy, without the slightest shadow of neuroticism. The mind has to explore every corner of itself, leaving no spot uncovered, because if there is a single dark corner of one’s mind which one is afraid to explore, from that springs illusion…

It is only in the state of attention that you can be a light unto yourself, and then every action of your daily life springs from that light– every action– whether you are doing your job, cooking, going for a walk, mending clothes, or what you will. This whole process is meditation…”

— J. Krishnamurti

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3 Responses to “5 Days of Death: Day 2”

  1. authenticizeit Says:

    I read this immediately, as it posted just as I logged in. Took me 5 minutes or so, and I feel it deeply. Time for the second read through now…

    THANK YOU FOR THIS. Resonating

  2. His Dark Side Says:

    Thanks for reading this post and I’m glad that it resonated with you. I am also sure that some of your Gung Fu instructors have been a guiding light to you too.

  3. authenticizeit Says:

    Yes, this is an integral part of my past. They sure have. Thanks again.

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