Nine Dollar Bottle of Juice

“You do not need a motherf*cking nine dollar bottle of juice. People in Thailand kick banana trees. You should be ashamed of yourself.

The niceness of someone’s gym outfit is directly inversely proportional to their hardcoreness. Do not get caught out there like a sucker in your too-white new shoes and too-bright spandex and too-sweet performance energy glucose glucosamine patented workout mixturade. Take your cues from the tiger: Solitary. Dirty. Naked. And f*cking up anybody who comes by acting all ostentatious, especially monkeys—which are a lot stronger than they look, so you do the math.”


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